-efn--efn--efn--ef         Every $200 raised
EFN March                  -efn--efn--efn--efn--efn--        in March means
    _                    -efn--e_________efn--efn--efn-        one more new 
 ==|$|==1050           -efn--ef/  ______/n--efn--efn--efn       phone line!
   |$|               -efn--efn/  /n--efn--efn--efn--efn--ef
 __|$|__900         -efn--efn/  /n--efn--efn--efn--efn--efn-
   |$|             -efn--efn/  /___efn__________--efn--efn--e
 __|$|__750       -efn--efn/  ____/fn/  _______/-efn--efn--efn
   |$|           -efn--efn/  /n--efn/  /n--efn--efn--efn--efn--   
 __|$|__600      -efn--ef/  /fn--ef/  /fn--efn--efn--efn--efn--  
   |$|           -efn--e/  /______/  /__________efn--ef___efn-- 
 __|$|__450     -efn--e/_________   _______     |n--ef/  /fn--ef
   |$|           -efn--efn--efn-/  /--efn-/     |fn--/  /-efn--
 __|$|__300      -efn--efn--efn/  /n--efn/  /|  |fn-/  /--efn--
   |$|           -efn--efn--ef/  /fn--ef/  /f|  |fn/  /n--efn--
 __|$|__150       -efn--efn--/__/-efn--/  /-e|  |e/  /efn--efn
   |$|             -efn--efn--efn--efn/  /n--|  |/  /--efn--e
 __|$|__0           -efn--efn--efn--e/  /efn-|     /fn--efn-
  /$$$\              -efn--efn--efn-/  /--efn|    /-efn--ef
 ($$$$$)               -efn--efn--e/__/efn--e|___/fn--efn
  \EFN/                  -efn--efn--efn--efn--efn--efn-
$1046 so far                -efn--efn--efn--efn--efn--
"Five Ringy-Dingys!"-- ;-j     -efn--efn--efn--ef         Population: 419

doot-doot-doo-do-doot-doot-doo-do-doot-doot-do-doodle-oodle-oodle-oot...

It's time once again for ASK MASTER SCIENCE!  He knows *more* than you
do!  Remember: he's not a real master (That's right! I have a
Bachelor's Degree...  In SCIENCE!) So let's ask Master Science.
Today's question comes from Moe Deming in Hannibal, Missouri:

Q: When I dial EFN my computer makes some high beeping noises and then
some white noise that sounds like static and then goes silent.
Everything works fine, but what's all that about anyway?

A. That's a very good question Moe and top scientists are researching
this problem in many of the leading research institutions worldwide.
There are three popular theories as of this writing, so get set.

First, a Canadian research team postulates that the sounds are some
sort of mating call between modems, and given the right PGP key the
sounds can be processed into a rendition of "When I'm Calling
You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou", not entirely unlike Nelson Eddy and Jeanette
McDonald.  What the modems do after they go quiet is anybody's guess.

A second theory, advanced by scientists at the Banzai Institute has it
that there is actually a large number of people who, through one
software bug or another, have become trapped permanently in cyberspace,
sort of like in the movie "TRON".  According to this theory, the
staticy sound you hear is not static at all but the collective cheering
of a virtual stadium full of these trapped entities rejoicing at being
joined by yet another sentient being: you.

The third theory, advanced by a Washington Beltway think-tank, is that
the static-like noise is really less like a stadium crowd or the ocean
surf and more like a "huge sucking sound" which is, in fact, an attempt
at drawing money into EFN's fiscal vacuum by (literally!) sucking it
through the phone wires.  If they are correct, the following procedure
will fix the problem in your system (repeat as often as necessary):

Mail a check today (payable to "EFN") to:

            EFN, Attn: Fundraising
            PO Box 1221
            Eugene OR 97440-1221

Please write your user-id (login name) on the check.  Then send an
e-mail message to pledge@efn.org saying how much you're mailing in so
we can update the pledge thermometer and add you to the priority access
list.  Thenkyou fer yoor support. *8-{D

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